Thursday, 03 November 2011
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A Vote for Rick Perry is a Vote for Pear Rights
There’s a lot to hate about Rick Perry. Sure, the man’s a pea-brained, fat-headed buffoon who isn’t hard enough on crime, and doesn’t seem to love Jesus as well as he could. But there’s a soft underbelly to the man that never seems to come up in the mainstream media. You see, the damn liberals on CNN and MSNBC, the New York Times, they’re all too biased and left-wing to allow the truth to be heard, because they know if they did, Perry would win the election in a landslide.It’s unfortunate, really, because Perry’s stances on some of the most important issues of our day have until now gone completely unheard. Did you know that Rick Perry supports full Pear Rights? For thousands of years, my people have been enslaved. We’re stolen from our trees, packed like animals into boxes, and shipped to stores to be displayed and sold like goods.
Do you know what it’s like to be picked before your time? Imagine if a doctor had come into your mother’s womb and stolen you away from her before you were even ready to be born!
the man’s a pea-brained, fat-headed buffoon
Can you imagine the pain and suffering pears have endured for generations? The cramped conditions of those shipping crates are inhumane. Few pears escape without scars, and the bruises go deeper than the skin.
Can you imagine the humiliation of being lined up like chattel to be sold? To be poked and prodded by every curious buyer with a buck to spare? And then to be taken away. To be owned completely, with no hope of freedom.
The only thing most pears have to look forward to is a quick death. Few of us ever live long enough to get mushy.
That’s why I support Rick Perry. He has promised that, as president, one of his first acts would be to emancipate my proud people. He promises to release us from the bonds of our slavery, to remove the jackboot from our necks. To end the worst continuous mass slaughter humanity has ever seen.
A vote for Rick Perry is a vote for Pear Rights. Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!
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Comments (21)
President Pearry! Because everyone knows pea-brained, fat-headed buffoons love pears.
a pear emancipator!! yay!!
I hate to burst your pear shaped bubble, but it's probably nothing more than an empty campaign promise. Still, if he's serious, it's a bold statement and I support it.
OMG, pears are people?
While I can't share your enthusiasm for the "buffoon", I highly anticipate a flood of new pear recipes from the Texas guv, whether he wins or not.
I bet he keeps a pear tree in his back yard and sometimes even lets the pears rot right there.
He actually gave the most purely absurdly WHACKY stoner 'political' speech I have ever seen in all my years. He was too jumpy to be drunk, dude had to be sming weed, had to be.
If he gave a stoner political speech then all you liberal douches should love it because you morons are stoned half the time anyway. Now you know what you idiots sound like when you try to talk politics and act smarter than everyone else because your college professor told you so.
Dear Pear,
I don't give a rats ass about politics and only read this because you're a good writer. So, Pear, whoever you are - you're not a complete moron like the rest of these fools and I like you.
Love,
A bad ass kitty
It will be a Pear jubilee.
Wonder how he feels about poaching pears? That should be a felony!!!!!!
@seedsower - Good one!Your type do nothing unless you are forced into it. I've seen your kind just laying around on the ground making no effort whatsoever to improve yourselves, expecting the world to give you everything. Every last one of you pear types are lazy. Just pure d lazy. And Entitle? I mean. You need to harvesters to set out your paths for you.
@ordinarybutloud - President Pearry! , ha.
He is just trying to get the Pear Vote! Wake up and get a job you lazy bum. LOL J/J
He may be for pear rights in general, but luring jobs to Texas and away from other states that already have depressed economies is plain rotten and seedy.
Waitaminute...he USED to support pear rights, but he flipped on that issue when he found out Mitt Romney was pear-friendly...
Mmm this post makes me hungry... :p
I think I know who you are. You're Stephen Colbert aren't you?!
@Celestial_Teapot - Never met him. Silly sounding guy, though!
@Frankenchrist - That's a little better. Not great, though.