Thursday, 03 November 2011
There’s a lot to hate about Rick Perry. Sure, the man’s a pea-brained, fat-headed buffoon who isn’t hard enough on crime, and doesn’t seem to love Jesus as well as he could. But there’s a soft underbelly to the man that never seems to come up in the mainstream media. You see, the damn liberals on CNN and MSNBC, the New York Times, they’re all too biased and left-wing to allow the truth to be heard, because they know if they did, Perry would win the election in a landslide.
It’s unfortunate, really, because Perry’s stances on some of the most important issues of our day have until now gone completely unheard. Did you know that Rick Perry supports full Pear Rights? For thousands of years, my people have been enslaved. We’re stolen from our trees, packed like animals into boxes, and shipped to stores to be displayed and sold like goods.
Do you know what it’s like to be picked before your time? Imagine if a doctor had come into your mother’s womb and stolen you away from her before you were even ready to be born!
the man’s a pea-brained, fat-headed buffoon
Can you imagine the pain and suffering pears have endured for generations? The cramped conditions of those shipping crates are inhumane. Few pears escape without scars, and the bruises go deeper than the skin.
Can you imagine the humiliation of being lined up like chattel to be sold? To be poked and prodded by every curious buyer with a buck to spare? And then to be taken away. To be owned completely, with no hope of freedom.
The only thing most pears have to look forward to is a quick death. Few of us ever live long enough to get mushy.
That’s why I support Rick Perry. He has promised that, as president, one of his first acts would be to emancipate my proud people. He promises to release us from the bonds of our slavery, to remove the jackboot from our necks. To end the worst continuous mass slaughter humanity has ever seen.
A vote for Rick Perry is a vote for Pear Rights. Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!