Friday, 04 November 2011
America is the auto-nation. I live 20 miles from the nearest store. Not because I couldn’t have bought an apartment closer, but because driving is like the national pastime. And if there’s one thing I want to support, it’s pastimes. Driving is in our blood. We all do it, and every patriotic American loves it. It’s good for us, too. Most of the time, anyway. The only exception is handicapped parking: this corrupt and broken system is actually causing American obesity.
Did you know that most people who have handicapped stickers aren’t actually handicapped? In fact, it’s apparently the third most corrupt government program behind the postal service and the Marines. People photocopy their neighbors’ passes and stick it in their windows. Or they fake a limp and get their doctor in on the scam. It’s disgraceful.
And those who aren’t faking are just as bad. 90% of legitimate handicapped passes last year were handed out to those who had problems that were a direct result of obesity. Bad joints, difficulty walking, etc. Yes, that obesity, the one caused by laziness, overeating, and lack of exercise and self-control.
So these people are self-inducing a handicap, which then results in what. You guessed it… less exercise! Now do you see why the system is so broken? Fat folks are being given a free pass to a sedentary life-style. They’re just digging themselves deeper. Well, not literally – if they were, maybe they’d get fit.
I feel like I’m an enabler. I wouldn’t give a heroin addict a free pass for unlimited needles at VeinsRUs, so why is my government helping the great waddling unwashed in their continued pursuit of fatness? It’s wrong. The American government has to help these people. I know we all believe in small-government, but this has to be the exception. The situation is too dire.
My suggestion is we split the handicapped parking system into two sections: one, people with disabilities unrelated to obesity. There are like five of them in America, so this shouldn’t be too hard. They can keep their spots up near the front doors. For the rest, I say we move their special reserved spots to the very back of the parking lots.
It’s the least we can do for them.