Not many of you know this, but pears actually have a much fuller range of emotions than most human beings. It's true. They're hard to detect for humans, but humans have a hard time detecting most things. Least observant flesh bundles ever! Anyway, the point is, pears feel everything you feel, but more. More sorrow, more joys. Higher highs, lower lows. Pears ARE the passion fruit. The one thing pears don't feel, though, is loneliness.
They're just not capable of it.
Every pear knows they've got somebody in life. I'm not going to make the obvious pear/pair joke here, because I think I'm above that level of humor. But yeah, that's totally the whole point behind this blog, so I'm not really sure where else to go. I should really plan these things better!
Anyway. To loneliness! Not that I know what that feels like, am I right!
So I know, I was here, I was on the road to becoming the most super-delicious xangan of all time, and then I stopped. Hey, I got bored. It's not my fault. Y'all are super boring. But it turns out, so am I. So I'm here again. Actually, it was the idea of being able to post more blogs to healthkicker that really brought me back. Somebody actually called me their equivalent to Jenn over there. I've never blushed so hard in my life.
Don't forget to rec this post. If you don't, I'll never love you the same way again!
Today I had beanless chilli and spaghetti covered in cheddar cheese for breakfast, and I plan on having hamburgers for dinner. Most nights I end the day with a giant bowl of ice cream. I drink Coke and Dr Pepper when I get thirsty, and I probably go through five to 10 snack-sized candy bars throughout the day when I get peckish. None of this sounds very healthy, and it’s not. That’s because I don’t believe in eating healthy.
See, I’m not convinced that the “man’s” definition of what’s “healthy” is even correct. You know I’m suspicious of the supposedly “healthy” tomatoes already. But in doing the research for that article (which was featured on two prestigious websites, health kicker, and Ireallylikefood) I began to have my eyes opened. I think it’s mostly bogus.
I’ve developed a reputation here on xanga, and across the internet, for taking the hard stances. For speaking up for the little guy. For saying what needs to be said. Today is no exception. The topic de jour? Human-animal relations. I think it’s disgraceful. Every time I think about it, I’m filled with loathing. It’s hypocritical, it’s immoral, and it’s downright cruel. Our modern American culture flaunts the flora but fails to fuck fauna. It’s wrong, xanga. You know it, and I know it. Love is love.
The first law of God in Christianity is to love thy neighbour. In fact, love is the strongest commandment of God. It’s the purpose of our species, it’s both why and how we’re all here. We owe it to our society, to our species, and to our God to reproduce. A childless couple is scorned and shunned by every human society on the planet, and rightly so. They’re selfish, Godless heathens who refuse the natural order of things.
But they’re not the only ones.
For hundreds, if not thousands of years now, we’ve been led astray. Corrupt, ignorant, and evil priests, rabbis, imams (and the leaders of the other religions I don’t know) have been telling us having sex with animals is wrong. Well I’ve got news for you: they’re wrong. Having sex with an animal is one of the highest exhibitions of Godliness possible for a human being.
God has told humanity to act as good stewards of the earth. It’s our responsibility to maintain and protect the planet. More than that, though, it’s our responsibility also to spread love and peace and wellbeing. And frankly, I just don’t see how we can do that unless we’re willing to practise what we preach.
So next time you go out and pass a dog in the street, give it a wink. Next time you go horse riding, give that beautiful mare an extra special pat from me. And next time you go deep sea diving, make a friend of that octopus in a way you never have before. God will thank you, and so will Fido.
There comes a time in every pear's life when they are forced to face unpleasant but unavoidable realities. Unavoidable realities like going away for the weekend and being unable to update one's blog except by one's cellphone.
It is in times like these that one becomes acutely aware of, and grateful for, the endurance one's mother worked hard to instill in one during all the time since one was but a twinkle in the horticulturalist's eye.
P.S. I watched a lady on the bus today update her blog via her cellphone too. I wanted to tap her on the shoulder and tell her mine's better. I've been nominated, you know.
I'm a literary pear. Unlike those stupid apples, I believe in reading, and in bettering one's self. A while back I read Brave New World by Aldous Huxely, and then promptly put it out of my mind in favor of watching Netflix. I love Netflix. Anyway, I hadn't thought about the novel in a while until it was brought to my attention again by a Datingish article. Now, I know what you're thinking, and yes, I'm as amazed as you are that Datingish made a literary reference to anything more wordy than an Archie Magazine. Just kidding, I love you guys, Datingish editors!
The author of the article claimed that the society of Brave New World was a ridiculous one. Because sex had been changed to an everyday, common-place interaction with no negative consequences or stigmas, and because committed monogamous relationships had disappeared, the author argued that what replaced it was "sad and empty".
They are, of course, wrong.
The author admits that everybody in that society seemed happy. I'm not sure why they're arguing that equals sad and empty, frankly. It seems just the opposite to me. You know what seems sad and empty? Life in a society riddled by debt. Unemployed, divorced, and sexually frustrated. I see no reason to believe that humans find more innate satisfaction in monogamy. In fact, I think for most people monogamy is inappropriate, and I think the overall failure of what is effectively societally enforced monogamy has been demonstrated pretty effectively by high divorce rates. I don't think this is what humans are "naturally" (or even biblically) "supposed" to be. It's a convenient arrangement that helps both the society maintain social order, and the monogamous couple support each other in difficult times. A good marriage is a business arrangement first. That's why Brave New World is actually a better form of society - it not only removes the difficult times monogamy helps deal with, but it also allows humans to engage in their natural instincts without harm or foul.
Happiness in Brave New World came from two things:
Role in society: because people were bred for specific purposes, and then trained/inculcated further after birth, there was no question of what to "do" with one's life. This afforded an immense degree of satisfaction. Without having to worry about the meaning of life, one's place in the world and society, etc, there's no stress. There's no worry about unemployment, about finding one's self, about looking for purpose.
Free will is a tenuous concept anyway, and most people make a botched job of the choices they're given in life. In Brave New World, people always know the job they do is one they are perfectly suited for, and can do well. I think one of the greatest ways to find happiness in life is doing something you're really good at, and doing it really well. You can't beat the satisfaction that gives. This is ensured in this theoretical world.
Removal of negative emotion sources: One of the main ideas of the society in the novel is that unhappiness comes from the space between the creation of a desire and the fulfillment of a desire. So, there's constant instant gratification. Nothing goes wrong, and nothing is unfulfilled. Everybody gets what they want, all the time (except, again, for a few bugs in the system like Bernard).
Now, a major part of this is sexual, and related to relationships. Sexual pleasure with no consequences at all (not only no STDs, unwanted pregnancies, but also no social stigma, no judging, etc) I think would make a heck of a lot of people happy. There's really no need for the support a monogamous relationship is designed to create - you don't need emotional support, because there's nothing around that makes you unhappy. You don't need financial support, because you have a guaranteed job you're perfect for. You don't need support raising children, because that's done in centers.
I know that Brave New World is supposed to be dystopic, but frankly, I think the only reason why we find it so is because we've been societized to perceive foreign societies as worse than our own. Different is automatically bad. A reasoned look at the World State makes it seem like a pretty good system in most regards. There's no evidence to suggest that most of the inhabitants are unhappy. On the other hand, there's quite a lot of evidence to support the suggestion that most of the inhabitants of our current society are unhappy.
Failed relationships and marriages, enormous national and personal debt, large numbers of unemployed people who cannot support themselves or maintain households, vast quantities of the population on anti-depression and anti-anxiety medication... I don't see any reason to believe what we've got now works any better (or really, as well as) Brave New World.
In fact, I think America would do well to work toward a goal where the future set out in Brave New World can become our future. Look at the person to your right, and then look at the person to your left. You could be having sex with both of them right now. You deserve this, and so do they.
One of the great exports of America is its culture. This, aside from democracy and the hamburger, is our gift to the world. It’s our legacy as a society. The great American novel, the black and white Hollywood movie, the music of Bruno Mars. It’s part of what America contributed to the development of humanity. It’s not all, though, because the single most important contribution America has made to human culture hasn’t been named yet: the musical.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, and yes, musicals are for homosexuals. But they’re also for heterosexuals, metrosexuals, and even those filthy fence-sitting bisexuals. No Mormons though, please. See, just because the gays enjoy a good show tune doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t as well. I burp, I belch, I scratch my groin in public. I’m the all-American man, there’s no question about that. But nothing gets me teary-eyed faster than listening to Some Enchanted Evening. It’s just so darn musical.
Oh, what a beautiful morning it is when there’s a musical playing. It stirs my soul, and sets my spirit alight. I float like a plastic bag in the wind, and my heart sings along to the tune. Wouldn’t it be loverly if, on some enchanted evening, we could all sit down to enjoy some of my favourite things? There’s really no better way for any of us to be getting to know you than to share some time together.
And yes, maybe people will say we’re in love, but so what! It’s just one of those things. I’m proud of who I am. I love Paris, and if I were a rich man, I’d be there instead. But I’m not, so I have to try to remember the other beautiful things I enjoy in life. It’s no secret love! When I hear a Broadway show tune, something inside me changes. I feel pretty! Shall we dance together so that you might feel pretty too?
I know, the dancing is stupid and the stories are often nonsensical. But the tunes are jaunty, and the spirit is bright. And there’s nothing America needs more in these dark times of war and liberal leadership than a bright spirit and a jaunty tune.
As you know, I’m about as American as apple pie. There’s no greater country in the world than our fair and mighty land. It’s the original home of democracy, the founding place of free thought, and the birthplace of baseball. Not that I’m a big fan of baseball – too many foreigners involved for my taste. Anyway. I love my country. That means I’m willing to do just about anything possible to protect it and to act in its best interests, and I’m sure you are, too.
The sad thing is, so many Americans aren’t. I’m talking about the Americans who carry guns. A lot of misguided citizens have a twisted idea that it’s their peartriotic duty to arm themselves. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. Carrying a gun is pearamount to treason, in my opinion, and I’ll tell you why: it demonstrates a lack of faith in the government, and it poses a threat to America itself.
Imagine you were at Columbine, or Virginia Tech, or that IHOP, and a shooter burst in on you with an assault rifle of some sort. Of course, if you were armed, you could very well try to defend yourself and the other patrons/students by opening fire. And you might think yourself a hero for doing so, but you’d be wrong. Because what you’d be doing is demonstrating a lack of faith and trust in the police.
Elizabeth, Queen of the British Empire and all the Americas, has updated the Order of Precedence to favor Blood Princesses. Kate Middleton must now curtsy to the Blood Princesses. No word on where Michael Jackson or the Burger King dude rank yet.
Justin Bieber will take a paternity test to refute claims that he impregnated an older fan. I'm sure next everybody will be talking about the statutory rape this fan committed, if this alleged event took place. Link.