If there's one thing everybody in a five mile radius of me knows, it's that my girlfriend pisses like a racehorse. This probably just means she's got a big urethra or something, I don't know. I try not to poke around do…

Tomorrow the girlfriend and I are going to visit her family. The main attraction there, according to pretty much everybody involved, is a big pool, possessed by the Big Poobah. The opinion of everybody except me, anyway.…